I was pretty pumped when I learned of Star Trek's return to the Big Screen. I called up my friend, Sister Wendy "Our Lady of Oil Paint" and told her, "I know you're saving your money for a prison tattoo, but this is Star Trek we're talking about." Sister Wendy is a huge trekkie. Goes to all the conventions dressed as Picard. Needless to say, we enjoyed it. Here is the upshot of this epic film.
The Enterprise gets swallowed up by a giant vagina, referred to only as "the alien life form", and gets pulled into it by it's tractor beam. Sulu tries to fend it off with Karate, Kirk slaps it around, and Spock tries to understand it. "I sense puzzlement." says Spock. "It wants to know why we haven't returned the friendship message."
My advice is run, don't walk, to see this film. If you must walk, walk in a straight line without moving your arms, and take a deep breath from the heels of your feet. Imagine you're a flower. Now, image you are knitting a sweater for a penguin, or giving a gibbon a massage.
Yes. It's that good.
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