What are you doing now?

Status Updates by Dane and 49 friends on Facebook:

Toby is alarmed by his mother's discovery of emoticons. 6:44 a.m.
Kate is making soup with an Amish chicken 7:18 a.m.
Marianne is making a Power Ranger brush his teeth 7:45 a.m.
Deb is basking in the afterglow of a wild night on the couch with a cup of tea and a snoring dog. 8:22 am
Josh is changing a diaper. (no, not his own.) 8:43 a.m.
Suzanne is being coerced into playing mousetrap. 8:49 a.m.
Alli found her nose ring that she lost a month ago in the carpet of her bedroom. Yessssss! 9:25 a.m.
David is dealing with multiple epiphanies about his sexuality. 9:45 a.m.
Alison is working on Sunday. booo. 9:47 a.m.
Julie is putting her oxygen mask on first before attempting to assist others. 9:47 a.m.
DeMane "Mmm-mmm! Who is that?!" -my Mama when she saw Eric Holder our new Attorney General. 10:53 a.m.
Jon just got flipped off by a kid on a school bus. 9:59 a.m.
Fritz is getting rid of a monkey, anyone interested? 10:54 a.m.
Ben is hanging pictures at his mother-in-laws. Say, as long as I've got a hammer, and I'm sure I can find some wooden stakes... 12:02
Mike fell asleep with a canned ham on his chest last night. 12:21
Amy is chomping on a piece of gum... shocker. 12:25
Kj is still high from her lesson in theobroma cacao. 1:05 p.m.
Kevin has a greasemonkey on his back. 1:27 p.m.
Melanie is watching a bunny open an envelope on yahoo & it is not helping her feel any smarter. 1:35 p.m.
Oliver ist ein pickelkopf. 2:12 p.m.
Charlotte is porous with travel fever. 2:36 p.m.
Greg is lost in the hills of Rome. No, literally. We have no idea where we are. 2:44 p.m.
Brian is going to a gallery opening tonight and can't find his beret. 3:53 p.m.
Dane is using a haystack as a metaphor in all his work. Suck it, Monet! 3:58 p.m.
Daniel is trying to decide if he should cut his whole head off, or just the part with the migraine. 4:01 p.m.
Greg is taking a disco nap. Boogie-oogie-oogie. 4:27 p.m.
Bob is carving miniature canoes out of gherkin pickles. 4:30 p.m.
Patrick denies that he is Client #6. 4:43 p.m.
Risa is thinking that she always finds people with U-Hauls endearing. 5:22 p.m.
Sean is trying to convince the hamster in his head to spin the damn wheel. 5:30 p.m.
Ted is pissed he didn't blow all his money on drugs and hookers before losing it in the market. 5:30 p.m.
Tara wants to check the moon for holes and such. 5:39 p.m.
Tom just pulled Sleeping Beauty's head off. It was an accident. 6:00 p.m.
Aimee is going for a fancy night out. Should I wear the shirt with the applesauce stain or the ketchup one? 6:06 p.m.
Kiki has finally got the dried pea out of her ear. It's been there all day. She only put it there this morning to see if it fitted. 6:30 p.m.
Ang does not want to go home, even if it means I have to stay at Miami airport, which kind of smells like puke. 7:28 p.m.
Tom has forgotten your name momentarily and will now address you as "dude". 8:26 p.m.
Paula is happy her satellite dish has thawed out. 8:36 p.m.
Matthew is pretty sure he's made out of Soylent Green. 8:36 p.m.
Bruno says who doesn't like Samba, a good person can't be. 9:21 p.m.
Pitti can't say NO to the fruit PuNCh!!!Damnn youuuuuu! 9:39 p.m.
Greg is tired of serving giant salads to Russians. 9:44 p.m.
Trixie just can't get past mickey rourke's face. 10:54 p.m.
Barry is worried that Delhi Belly has set in. Last night's tacky restaurant was not the best idea. I have a 5-Star stomach. 10:11 p.m.
Pat is trying barbeque chicharones on the dog. He's not biting. 12:45 a.m.
Kat refuses to be "owned" by anyone. Grrrr. 1:07 a.m.
Jeff is hoarding Spam for the coming apocalypse. 1:10 a.m.
Scott is wearing a furry bear suit with the pajama flap up. 1:37 a.m.
Colin grows old and will wear his trousers rolled. He wonders if he dares eat a peach? He will wear green flannel pants and walk across the beach. 2:28 a.m.
Catherine is finally finished with my freelance job and back on "Crackbook." (About an hour ago.)